Some good news-I have the cover art for my book, all finished and ready to go. I’ve written out all of the stories, have final edits on most of them, and have preliminary sketches for [...]]]> Yeah, so it’s been a couple of months since I posted anything here. Been a little busy. Sorry about that.

Some good news-I have the cover art for my book, all finished and ready to go. I’ve written out all of the stories, have final edits on most of them, and have preliminary sketches for the interior illos. All systems are go for an indy printing, which I’ll do in October if no other options present themselves. Updates to any or all of these conditions can be found on the book’s official facebook page. You don’t have to be a member of or join facebook to access that page.

I’ll be doing a promotional video, featuring this background music. I wrote it and played all of the parts except for the drums, which I assembled from premade loops and midi sequences. They sound pretty life-like but they’re Frankenstein’s monsters like all of my percussion tracks. The music is pretty wild if I do say so myself.

If at all possible, I’ll do a tune and a video for each story as well.

In the background, here at the planet, I’m assembling some secret stews and making some progress on future content. The copying and pasting of pages from Letters from Outside is underway, at last, and that archive should be fully moved by the end of the year. The webcomic/graphic novel Fear and Loathing in Innsmouth are well underway, and will definitely see the light of the new year. I need a lotta wiggle room because, frankly, I’m not as industrious as I’d like to be. My lungs still haven’t fully recovered from the shock of double pneumonia, followed by pneumothorax and the rest of the misadventures my body went on while my mind was otherwise occupied. If nothing else, I have the material for a lot of nightmares. Some sequences based on periods of delirium have already found their way into Crazytown.

Have managed to accomplish some things, in my persistent although faltering way.

I’ve been lurking in the Cracked writing forums and have submitted a couple of article ideas. We’ll see what happens with that. I’m also penning a few reviews, destined mostly for the Lovecraftian ezine if they’ll have ‘em. Going to take a look at some things that I haven’t seen reviewed anywhere else, like the October 79 issue of Heavy Metal/Metal Hurlant.

And finally, more music. I have some stuff in the can that will get outed this year, and some new things that are starting to take final shape. Some of these last have actual vocals on them, mostly the cover tunes. I have six done of a possible howevermany (A baker’s dozen is my original plan). More on that below:

This has been one of my longterm projects. It’s the most complete of the recording projects, with at least some material from each track recorded, and quite a lot of the vocals.

Here’s the list (and the original artist)

1). Dancin’ in the Moonlight (King Harvest)-one of my favorite tunes. I thought it was by 3 Dog Night originally, but was disabused of that notion when I went to KMart and bought the .45. My version changes the key slightly to fit what there is of my range and updates the instrument selection somewhat.

2). One (Three Dog Night)-one of my favorite bands. It was hard to decide what to cover. I knew I was going to do one of their tracks. Never Been to Spain was the other finalist. This one gets to rocking pretty good. I found ways to approximate the three-part harmony and the screams.

3). Creep (Stone Temple Pilots)-the simple descending groove of this track is so powerful. My voice has gotten a tad deeper since my hospitalization and it’s easier to sing this now. I’ve bloozed it up some with acoustic slide, am considering adding some midi sax. Mostly finished. I originally did this with the idea of Goxnadly singing it, but Bill isn’t around much anymore. I’d still love to have him do it. Hey Gox!

4). The Boxer (Simon and Garfunkel)-one of my wife’s favorite tunes (mine too). With any luck, I can get my man Jeff to sing lead or harmony or a combination of the two on this track. I have some of the guitar parts recorded, will need to fashion percussion and then invent a bassline. This one will ideally be all-acoustic. I might use the hollowbody for a bit of noodling but I’ll record it unplugged.

5). You’ve Got To Hide (Your Love Away) (The Beatles)-This is an update of the reconstruction done in 2005, with more rhythm guitar, some extra synths, and a complete remix. Some vocals were added as well. It be funky, man. Pseudo-Thin White Duke vocals drip ennui over percolating rhythms, heavy on the irony and the synth fx.

6). Stealin’ (Uriah Heep)-Could have done The Wizard but I have a hard time singing some of the lines and I know this one better. This is the first solo I taught myself, way back when I was seventeen. My version is somewhat longer than the original and interpolates a little bit of the old progrock.

7). These Eyes (Guess Who)-Yes, I opted for a lot of melodic pop/rock. I’ve played each of these tracks a million times, and they’re fertile ground for custom work. Plus I have a pretty narrow effective range. The vocals cannot vary so much-the instrumentation has to carry the day. I don’t see the point in note-perfect cover tunes (at least not when I’m not being paid to make them that way). It’s already been done that way. But you want to retain some of the flavor of the original, usually. This one’s mostly done. I can monkey with it some, but it’s got a coat of polish on it.

8). People Are Strange (the Doors)-I absolutely had to do a Doors cover. Morrison’s work fits my range nicely. And this is a great tune into the bargain. Killer guitar lines and that menacing melody. This just needs polishing.

9). Walk, Don’t Run (the Ventures)-again, I had to do this. It was Ventures or Rebel Rouser and the Mosrite guys won the coin toss. I tried to go the Gary Hoey/Ronnie Montrose route with this one. Most of the guitarwork is done with placeholder rhythm section.

10). Maybe I’m Amazed (Paul McCartney)-the best love song, ever. My wife and I, it’s our tune. This is a pretty faithful recounting of the original, a little heavier, and features passages played on my usb drumkit.

11). Martian Landscape (UFO)-early Schenker/Moog tune with evocative lyrics and a less-caffeinated groove. Nice acoustic jam-I’m going to try to do this all-acoustic as well.

12). Ziggy Stardust (David Bowie)-lots of options here but I went with this early Bowie classic instead of Young Americans simply because of the Ronson guitar lines. I play this all the time still, when I’m sitting around practicing the “G” things. It often morphs into The Wizard or Wish You Were Here, but not in this case.

13). A Horse With No Name (America)-The band and I concocted an somewhat electrified version of this long ago. I’ve continued out into that desert. This does have some nice Spanish guitar on it.

Several other songs keep threatening to break into the queue. I have partially-done versions of several more Beatle tracks, a Zep tune, and two Deep Purples. Black Sabbath, Soundgarden, and Ian Dury wouldn’t be contraindicated either.

Thanks for reading. I’ll be back sooner.

The cold seems to be subsiding. We had a nice little [...]]]> It’s about a week until the anniversary of the day I was taken to the hospital. I admit that I’ve been having some anxiety over that fact, and it hasn’t helped that I’ve had a nasty little chest cold for a week or so.

The cold seems to be subsiding. We had a nice little outing today, despite our original plan having been scuttled by discovering that Quizno’s (where we had been planning to go, based on their toothsome commercials featuring giant prime rib sandwiches) had been closed.

We could have opted for Luke’s Chicago, as they are on our shortlist of good food/pigout joints, but we opted instead for a Mediterranean joint, next to the former sandwich shop, and that turned out to be a good choice for many reasons.

The restaurant, whose name for some reason is lost to me right now (oh yeah, it was Ali Baba! *cosmic facepalm*), was more Turkish/Persian in orientation than Greek. Denise found it kind of weird. The spices were exotic to her and reminded her of cinnamon. The basmati rice especially had a cinnamon taste to it, she said.

I told her it was curry, which she says she’s allergic to. Just because.

We both ordered a cappucino and a gyros platter, both of which took their time arriving. The waitress also brought tall glasses of lemon water, which I thought a nice touch and used liberally as a palate cleanser while tasting the options on the plate.

Once the cappucino had arrived, it was game on. My love is a caffeinated bunny and caffeinated bunny got caffeinated. She had never before been presented with Turkish coffee, strong, and with the feathery grounds on the bottom and a ring on the top. She’s much more used to the cappos I make or that we get from other places, where they’re much more like lattes and often involve ice cream and chocolate.

Delicious. Came in 12 oz. transparent glass cups. Warm brown with umber delineations. Sweet and as dark as the Moroccan night in an Effinger novel.

The water arrived after tasting that, and the meals shortly after that. So we were made busy suddenly after ten or twelve minutes of conversation, and the food was good enough that not much more conversation took place.

The gyros platter doesn’t involve whole pita pockets, but rather generous helpings of grilled lamb cut from one of those big rashers they have, set on a bed of fragrant basmati rice, with a nice little side of garlicky hummus, some North African Pico De Gallo (dunno what it’s called there but that’s what it was), and a plastic cup of tzatziki sauce that had big chunks of cucumber in it, just the way I like.

The restaurant does have a gyros sandwich as well. It’s in the menu pictured with a side of the traditional (to me) french fries. Greek tacos. I liked the platter version better.

Denise not so. She prefers the version at Fronimo’s, which is Greek and has feta cheese and olives, which she is fond of, and eschews hummus (she dislikes chickpeas). She gets it with their Greek rice, which she has the owner sprinkle with chunks of feta.

At home I like to serve anything Greek with couscous, into which I cut bits of onion, red pepper, mushroom, feta, and olive, and mix with honey water. Neither place seems to have anything like that.

And that’s kind of the issue with both of those places (for me). Though they are very good, and not at all pricy, they don’t do anything that I can’t make at home, as well or better. I basically go because I’m lazy, and I need to get out and walk around as much as I can stand, in order to get my lungs working.

So I tote my portable tank onto the bus and wait for Denise to arrive from her bus, and we usually walk to a restaurant. Once or twice a week we do this, have been for a month or so. It’s the one freedom we allow ourselves. I’ll review the places we go to, and then review the new ones or new food items as they happen.

Back to Ali Baba… Once the food was served, I fell in love with the place. I even liked the Arabic-flavored Europop that briefly interrupted the air. The rice was redolent of exotic spices and tender on the tongue, the lamb was expertly seared and moist/tender (I was easily able to cut it with my fork). The hummus was sweetly garlicky, the tomato stuff just acid enough to cut the starch, the tzatziki chunky and thick.

Very satisfying. I cleaned my plate, sipped the dregs of the cappuccino, sipped the cool lemony water, watched Denise clean her plate. You know food’s good then. She’s a smaller person and controls her portions. My illness and inactivity haven’t hurt my appetite. I weigh twice what she does. Thirty pounds of it are in front of me. Another ten might be my hair, which hasn’t been professionally cut since 2008. That hair got thinned out pretty good when I was real sick, but it’s bushing out again. I may cut it off if it bothers me when it gets hot.

I took out my cannula while eating, to get the most of the olfactory experience. That was a good decision. So much of what we think of as exotic depends on the sensory information. When you’re used to low-note spice like chili powder and chipotle and cumin, more subtle herbs may escape notice or be mistaken for something else.

But not in this case. There’s a big plus-we have a Mediterranean market a couple of blocks away, and a leg of lamb in the freezer. I’m pretty sure I can rig some rotisserie thing on my Weber and see what I can do to make the ultimate gyros platter. I think I’ll make the above-mentioned couscous, and an olive tapenade, and perhaps pickle a few mushrooms. Maybe Thursday. It’ll take a couple of days for the meat to thaw.

Anyway. I managed to go a whole month without posting anything. That’s pretty good for a confessed internet addict who spends most of my waking hours in front of a computer.

At least some of the time [...]]]> I think that’s how you spell the little guy’s name. I could be wrong, but it looks alright.

Anyway. I managed to go a whole month without posting anything. That’s pretty good for a confessed internet addict who spends most of my waking hours in front of a computer.

At least some of the time was used wisely. I continued to watch hockey games, discontinued (involuntarily) watching football games. I started cooking again, and pictures and descriptions of some of the results will find their way here. I drew a few pictures. Those will appear elsewhere.

Some of the intervening time was spent contemplating my cache of unpublished fiction to determine the publishability of it once and for all. More if you want it————>

There’s a good deal of it that wouldn’t interest anyone except me, and even I’m not too keen. Lots of storylines that went nowhere and characters that never developed any passion or meaning. Especially when I wrote at novel-length. Novels aren’t really long short stories. They have a different structure and set of explanations, and the pacing is different even than a group of related shorts (or at least I think so).

And though I’ve written quite a few over the years, starting with the one I started in Mr. Hilsabeck’s history class at good ole Hinsdale Central and finished later that year in Algebra, (That one was actually published, though in a fanzine rather than an actual book. It got reviews and stuff. I never told anyone, though, outside of the people in my Creative Writing class the following year and a random guy in Graphic Arts who saw me doing advertisements for the thing when I was suposed to be designing silkscreened greetings cards.

I had to give him half of my stash to get away with that.) I’ve never considered myself a novelist. I prefer the short story, either written or read. The long short story is the best. A meaty novelette like A Rose For Ecclesiastes or a transcendant novella like The Colour Out Of Space is a five-source dinner for me. This although I am a spead-reader (ask my wife) and regularly read a novel in a sitting. By the same token I will read only one short story a day, if that story be a good one. If it’s  Shirley Jackson or Alfred Bester, I may read one a week, and walk around thinking about it. Where did they really disappear to? Why the Castle?

I have an anthology on my bedside table. It has been there for a year and is still in rotation. It’s one of those that I can’t believe people don’t know about, an sf tome called Epoch.  It’s one of the books I had lost during the transfer of my life from Chicago to Tucson, and one of the ones that  I missed the most. So at some point I bought a copy from Amazon Used Stores for like ten bucks. Ten bucks for repeated reading that is that entertaining is a bargain book, in my book.

Another of the books in that queue is Edward Bryant’s excellent Cinnabar, which I re-read every few years. I’m still making my way patiently through the complete works of Arthur Machen and the complete weird stories of Robert W. Chambers. Unread are still the complete Ambrose Bierce.

And the four-book pile of Rama books, which it’ll take three or four years to work through. I just finished Dan Simmons’ Hyperion series. It was a slog, the last half of the last book. Too much relationship intrigue and not enough space battle and Shrike. Rama’s drier, though no less good in its own right.

But I mentioned Cinnabar, which leads me down the garden path of themed collections, which I just love. Larry Niven, man. Known Space kills me. Every time. It’s like Larry’s own Marvel universe. Just as fun. It amazes me.

Raymond Chandler. Frickin’ Hammett!

So, all right, we’ve established that I’ve no attention span, and the storyline continuity police are probably gonna be after e if I stretch this paper-thin metaphor even one more molecule, but I thought about it, asked a couple of people a couple of questions, and merely confirmed my own suspicions.

Novels are about money. They sell better, for whatever reason. Consistently-selling novelists can hawk a book of shorts. Little struggling-artist-types are better off working longer form.

But oh, there’s so much dreck! He says, dramatically sweeping the back of his hand across his brow. That’s so hard too.

Well, yeah.

How much harder would it be then, to produce my own dreck and save those nasty ol’ publishers and that sappy ol’ agent the trouble?

Turns out, it’s pretty easy. How much you wanna pay?

Ah! I see you back there, PublishAmerica. No thank you. You may go now.

Just put a book on Lulu, make it available to those who might want it. How much for that?

It turns out to be the price of a book and an ISBN. Sometimes not even the ISBN. The book is your proof copy.

At the time I was thinking about that, I was embarking on trying to sweet-talk an artist into taking over the art on my webcomic project. No dice. But hey! She’d do a cover and interiors for such and such a price.

Decent price. ROI started seeming very manageable.

I called over my shoulder. “Honey, will I have enough to do this (names sum) next check?”

She does the quick math better than me.

“Yes.”

I email the artist back and say yes, that I will be putting out a book, furiously, furiously, thinking about what to put in it. “I have two new ones in mind”, I say, scratching, scratching. “I’ll write those.” And my brain continues to whirl fiercely and my eyes are revolving around like a proper Marty Feldman that by the time the artist writes back for the cover concept that I have already mapped the damn thing out and have begun writing the initial short story.

Ah, fun. The manic phase switches on and I get furiously to work.

It’s true. I’m gonna have a book. Eight of my best stories, lovingly padded and sawed and hewn and wet-sanded, drawing on the last eleven years of my infrequent writings.

The book itself will be called Crazytown, after a small apartment complex that the narrator abides in. The eight stories will have only the location as a connection as they explore other areas in and out of this world. Everything will have a twist on it and the world the narrator reveals has to be seen to be believed. Two out of the eight stories are culled from my NaNoWriMo novels and two more from my Lovecraftian cycle. Two of the others are extended versions of flash fiction contest entries.

Here’s the TOC, at present:

Apt. Green

The genesis of the thing is that I ordered an upgrade to my [...]]]> Overnight, I had a strange series of exchanges with members of the customer service department of my isp/phone/cable company. It seems that they have inactive sarcasm meters and a general lack of reading comprehension skills, which led me to getting increasingly verbal/savage.

The genesis of the thing is that I ordered an upgrade to my services, which didn’t take because the apparatus to do so onsite doesn’t work for those who are already customers. But you’ll be able to figure that out from the context (or at least I’d hope so).

Just for the sheer fun of it, I hereby present the entire exchange, with some judicious editing of names and figures:

I’m writing about this upgrade/install appointment that was apparently never processed: Dear _____, Thank you for being a ___ Customer, and for giving us the opportunity to help you get more out of what you’re into! We’re happy to help you tailor your service to fit your needs. This email is to let you know we have received your order. Order Number: xxxxxxxxxxx Order Date: December 10, 2011 Service Address _____

Two separate telephone calls to confirm the appointment (scheduled between 10 and 1 12/18) resulted in two customer service reps telling me to call back and speak to either the billing department or the sales department-they’re only tech support for television and cannot answer my questions or set an appointment. They “don’t know anything”.

That’s a hell of a way to run a customer service department. Worse than Comcast, who I used to work for. Worse than Time/Warner, who I’ve had service from in the past. It’d be great if someone could tell me why the hell I should pay you people for this level of service. It doesn’t seem equitable. Other internet services/television services/telephone services are available. Perhaps I should choose one or more?

 

Nice. Here’s the first reply:

Dear ___:

 

Thank you for your recent e-mail to ___ regarding your online order.

 

We regret any inconvenience this issue with your ___ online order may have caused. We show the reason your online order was not completed as requested was because you were already an existing ___ Cable, Internet, and Telephone customer. Keep in mind, our online order process is intended for new service installations only, not upgrades to existing service.

 

Please know, we would be happy to assist you with completing any upgrades to your existing bundle. However, these changes can not be made until the past due balance of $110.74 is paid. Once this past due balance is paid, we will be able to complete any requested upgrades to your account by e-mail, Live Chat, or telephone.

 

Your Recent Experience With Our Customer Service Department

 

Please know your satisfaction is most important to us. We intend to use the information you have provided to improve on the way we communicate with our customers. Please know that your feedback has been forwarded to the appropriate leadership and will be used in further review and corrective action.

Please allow us to apologize again, for the unresponsiveness of the customer service representatives that you spoke with and for any inconvenience this has caused you. We value our customers and are always working to improve our practices and procedures here at _________. If there is any way in which we can further assist you, please don’t hesitate to reach us via the Internet at ____ or call us at ____.

 

Thank you again for contacting us via e-mail. Please let us know if we can be of further assistance.

 

Sincerely,

 

George S.

___ E-Care Specialist

 

Nice again. I followed this with a slightly more strongly-worded reply:

Dear George S.

Interesting. Nowhere on the website, unless it is buried in the fine fine print, does it say that upgrades have to be done via telephone, live chat, or email. And I have to ask why none of your telephone reps were able to answer my question as simply as you have done? Isn’t that the very sort of thing they’re supposedly trained to do?

Apologies are all well and good. But you’re making it seem like the onus of improvement is on me, the customer, who has to deal with your incompetent personnel once again in order to accomplish what I wanted to do. That is precisely what I was trying to avoid.

The past-due balance is beside the point. Or maybe it is the point. You want your money. I want decent customer service and properly-trained personnel for my money. Service upgrades should be easy. You should WANT people to do that. Instead you make it difficult to accomplish. And one can NEVER catch up with the bill. It goes past-due the moment it’s issued. Shall we talk about that part, too? About how the bill somehow became due during this process, so I have to give you more money in order to do what I want?

Y’know, I was trying to provide a Christmas present for the people that live here. Instead, I’m angry and frustrated.

Your company’s service and accounting practices leave a lot to be desired. I do not believe that my satisfaction as an individual consumer is important to you.

Happy holidays.

Which caused another CSR to remark:

Dear _______:

 

Thank you for your reply.

 

We are committed to providing you and all of our customers with the highest standards of service in the industry. We apologize that your experience has been less than satisfactory.

As stated in our previous message we value your feedback and it has been forwarded for review. Please be assured your satisfaction is important to us.

We understand why your bill may seem like it is always past due. Once the account is past due unless you pay both the past due amount and the current amount due by the due date you will continue to be past due on the following statement.

In order to become current on your account, please pay the past due amount of $110.74 before 01/01/12, to enjoy uninterrupted service and the current balance by 01/12/12.

Since Cox bills for services one month in advance, you have received services that payment has not been received for. With this in mind we are unable to process your request to upgrade your account until the past due balance has been paid.

 

This is not intended to keep customers from upgrading their services but rather to ensure the customer is able to become current on their account without adding additional costs while they are already past due.

 

Please reply to this message with the upgrades you would like to make once the past due balance of $110.74 has been paid and we will gladly process your request.

 

Again, thank you for contacting us through our Web site. We appreciate your feedback and your patience in this matter.

Sincerely,

 

Tina G.

___ E-Care Specialist

You’ll notice the insistence of the past-due balance idea, and the general fogginess of the reply. Clearly this is not a person who should be on overnight duty. I prescribe coffee and a good grammar manual. But as I had nothing better to do, and was angered besides, I persisted:

Dear ?,

I also thank you for your reply, which was mostly on-topic. Really, the circular nature of the billing cycle isn’t the deal-breaker here. I understand perfectly that the bill comes due at a certain period, and I am in fact billed a month in advance for your promised services. My contention is that this practice gives me as a consumer approximately a two-week window in which to negotiate the increase of services which I desire. But that really isn’t the issue at hand…I do understand that the representatives of ___ (you who are reading this missive) are probably not the web developers who have somehow misapprehended the communal spirit of ___, making it difficult for customers to upgrade services because the likelihood of downgrading said services is MUCH more likely to happen. I’ve just been wandering around the website again.

Don’t you just find it interesting that a user would have to bookmark interior pages in order to get to what they want? Generally if things are buried, they aren’t intended to be found.

Oooo, but there’s a shopping assistant? Does it at any point say that it is for new customers only? Well, no. I see my mistake. I should have assumed from context that I was supposed to call or write or visit, only during business hours in the internet age, and make my wishes known, or just head on over to where I can chat with a ___ representative, which doesn’t appear anywhere on that page either.

Soooo. Let’s try help and support, maybe that’ll work. Seems possible. Clicky click. Here we are. Oooo. Would I like to provide feedback? Let’s table that for a minute. We’ll get back to it. I have a little survey window now.

Ok. Hey, second-level has a sidebar with “live chat”. So it took three windows to get to that. I suppose that isn’t so bad. However, everything else on the page is place an order this and how to order that.

Kind of misleading.

But I guess I should just grok that, right? Instead of using the facilities displayed so fetchingly, as I have with other electronic services providers. It’s like a ceremonial toilet, all chrome and no running water. But I go through the motions anyway, and then, when it’s on the floor, it’s my fault. Because I didn’t know that things were only empty ritual…further exacerbated by the charming little message that arrived, confirming my order. Followed by no contact whatsoever, leading me to believe that everything was just fine.

Since then, the tone of the replies isn’t at all patronizing. But I digress. Excuse me.

I do appreciate the offer to state my wishes in this series of messages, and the intimation that it’ll get taken care of. That someone is actually following up on this exchange. I even believe that offer is sincere. But I don’t think that I’ll take advantage of that at this time.

When I have paid the 110.74 past due balance, IF I have paid the 110.74 past-due balance (and the next past-due balance, due in 12 days, if I am reading the awfully-ungrammatical sentence concerning the matter in the previous rejoinder correctly), I shall certainly require gratification immediately, if not sooner. And that event would seem most unlikely at 4-something am on a Monday morning.

It all makes me wonder what the system would do if I did something weird like pay 110.73. I bet my services would get cut off, for a penny.

Or what if I paid in pennies? Hmm. That could be arranged. Then you could rent a wheelbarrow from me, for a penny ( I would of course have one with me as I just came in with all of those copper coins), and take the things to the bank.

Useless, you say. A waste of your time and resources.

Quite so. I am now off to provide feedback.

Happy holidays

I get verbal when I am really angry, past the YELLING stage, just before the hissing between my teeth stage. That last comes before the everything looks crimson stage that I’ve only been to a couple of times in this life. That sort of response wouldn’t be at all proportional, though, and I reserve that for things that really matter.
Let’s just say that the CSRs at the ISP are now just short of being killed, repeatedly and dramatically, in print. No doubt they mean well, but they are not in full control of their faculties. here’s the next missive:

Dear ___:

Thank you for your reply.

We regret any inconvenience this matter may be causing you. It is unfortunate that you feel that you have to bookmark our pages in order to reliable find everything. Please know that at the bottom of each page is a direct link to our “Contact Us” page.

Our shopping assistant is not only for new customers and the Live Chat option offered is available to any customer, we are always happy to assist. Please be aware that we do have leniency with our bills. Your services would not be disconnected for not paying $0.01.

We apologize that our Web site is not as accommodating as you would like it to be. We are always happy to receive feedback. We have sent this additional information to our webmaster for review. Have a great day.

Thank you again for contacting us via e-mail. Please let us know if we can be of further assistance.

Sincerely,

Mike G.

___ E-Care Specialist

I haven’t yet replied to this. Nor did I copy the stuff I posted in the reply to survey box. It was much the same as the other stuff anyway. She was waking up and I was getting tired and was no longer enjoying the game as much.
The upshot is that I’ll pay the balance and upgrade via telephone, on the 30th. I like best how the replies directly contradict not only each other, but reality.

Sorry about the last week, not blogging and all. I’ve been having problems getting consistent sleep and generally motivating myself, due possibly to not getting much sleep. My medical condition seems to have plateau’d-I need to get more exercise but the exertion causes my respiratory condition to become more pronounced.

The Doc has renewed my meds and I am to resume taking the anti-anxiety pill at night. That worked before-but I suspect that the current condition was caused by the reaction to quitting that drug cold turkey. We shall see-I can always call the office and get another appointment if things don’t seem to be working.

Planning to cannibalize some of the earlier posts and use that info to commence posting to Yahoo Contributors’ Network (used to be Associated Content). Several of the sports-oriented posters have begun to annoy me (see angry/verbal reference above) and I developed a need to school them.

Peace. Thanks for reading.

Earlier today, on  another forum, I posted this:

Good afternoon. I’m getting ready for some football. Bears and the Denver Tebows.  I predict the Bears will leave the mike [...]]]> …in the road to the playoffs apparently didn’t show up on the Bears’ collective GPS. The Bears took the route that had the “Bridge Out” sign.

Earlier today, on  another forum, I posted this:

Good afternoon. I’m getting ready for some football. Bears and the Denver Tebows.  I predict the Bears will leave the mike lb in spy position, run basically a cover one, and neutralize the running qb aspect of the Broncos’ option offense. That’ll force Timmy to throw the football, heretofore not a strength.
What all that gibberish means is that the Bears will leave one safety back and have one “float” near the line, heading back on obvious passing plays, but providing run support so that the middle linebacker can cover the quarterback if he “scrambles”.
The end rush by the defense is extremely important-Tebow must not be allowed to run around the offensive line, must be bottled up by Idonije/Peppers.
On the lighter side, I have plenty of sausages and am in my full Bears regalia:

Ridiculous garb aside, that instant analysis would seem to have been spot-on. I failed to account for the Tebow Magic. I agree now, having seen how it’s done, that “magic” is the only word for what happens. I don’t see NFL-level QB talent. I see some guy running around throwing prayer passes. That he’s a past-annoyance-level proselytizer only makes that more apt.

Touchdown Jesus wept.

How can you take anyone with that haircut seriously?

There aren’t enough synonyms for “guffaw” to account for the hilarity with which I viewed Tebow’s efforts over the first three quarters of the Bears-Broncos game.

That he was matched in his ineptitude by the Bears starting qb only added to the crazy time-warp feeling I had again, looking at the game through the magic of online streaming.

Some of the good folks at Windy City Gridiron, where I lurk from time to time, were kind enough to agree with that assessment, one wag even referencing Bears legend Bob Avellini. I was thinking more Jack Concannon or even Bobby Douglass without the arm and the wheels, but yeah, that period. Between Sayers and Payton especially, but even after Walter came on the scene, the Chicago squad had some lean offensive years. They’re not known for offensive capability, the Bears, despite that famous 73-0 pasting of the Washington Redskins in days of yore.

They are known for inventing and perfecting smashmouth football on an NFL level. They are the epitome of the defense-first team. They’re the goddamn Monsters of the Midway!

Holding opposing teams to 11.3 ppg is a good thing. Not normal in today’s NFL, where the Mannings and Bradys have enacted a legacy of quick-strike capabilities and phantom roughing penalties heretofore unknown in the annals of science.

What? Yeah. Uncalled holding penalties, too. My beef about that right now is that Julius Peppers suffered from the last of these indignities for the entire game Sunday. Every play. I noticed it about midway through the first quarter, according to the scrawled note I wrote on the back of an envelope. He still managed to make tackles, and as his primary job was to contain the outside, he was effective at that. But he was unable to join in what was a reasonably effective pass rush, and so was unable to introduce himself to Timmy T until later in the game.

Seriously. Held on every single offensive play. Obvious too. So Tebow now benefits from NFL Jesus too.

It’s so hard to genuflect and face-palm simultaneously. I’ll wait while you try it.

Nope, not quite it. But keep trying. One day you’ll get there.

The Bears actually did a fine job defensively, if you look at the overall picture. Peanut Tillman had a pick on a nice catch-and-toe-drag move, a Tebow sack led to a fumble and Bear recovery.

Probable Goat Marion Barber had a good game. His vicious running accounted for 100+ yards of offense, and while his unfortunate error in judgement, leading him to run out of bounds when it would have been better to let the clock tick, will be seen as the reason why the Bears lost the game, it’s not. It’s merely the symbol of lost opportunity.

Somewhere, Steve Bartman is laughing at that. At least I hope so. I saw that game too. I’ve seen ALL of the games. I don’t watch much actual television, in terms of situation comedies and such. I have ESPN on when I am sleepy, or the Tru Channel’s “Dumbest” shows hoping that the stupid will lull me to sleep. Otherwise I watch some news and lots of sports. WGN gets a lot of play at my place. We both like baseball. She dislikes football and is meh about hockey. We both loathe basketball.

I was yelling at the game and the computer and the Bears and the Broncos and was thankful that I had the delicacy not un-invite the boarder (a Broncos fan who stayed here for a while), who had wanted to come see the game when he thought it was on tv. He called when he got off work. I told him that the game wasn’t on tv, and that I was leaving to go to the grocery store (actually, she left, to get her things to make fudge tomorrow). Just did not want to deal with an obnoxious persona when I was already irritated.

He called, later. Said “I don’t want to rub it in. I mean, I’m not bragging or anything, but…I’ve never seen Chris Berman eat crow before.”

I said, “I’m not having it. Chris Berman obviously eats whatever is put in front of him. That was complete bullshit.” The part about “not having it” apparently went unheard. He continued. I hung up on him. Was making dinner by then anyhow (Chicken Pendejo with cornbread dressing and Mexicali corn).

He’s a professional irritant and doesn’t like to turn it off. Completely unable to be real for more than a moment or two. Hard to get rid of, too. “Go away” doesn’t compute.

So, shocker, he’s a Tebow supporter. The team has won six in a row in the Tebow Era, and the fairweather fans are jumping on the bandwagon in droves, fueled by the ever-increasing tendency of national sports-spewers to namecheck Timmy T at every opportunity.

They don’t care if Tebow doesn’t resemble a professional quarterback, or that the likes of Brian Urlacher “He’s a great running back…” don’t respect his ability to do the job over an extended period. They’re WINNING RIGHT NOW.

I tell you what. Next on the Broncos’ schedule is the Patriots. Tom Brady is fine, according to the injury report. The New England secondary is suspect at best, but I don’t see Denver outgunning that group. If they do, I may just grab me a piece of that caboose too.

Maybe. Right now, I’m good with my hate. I don’t like the Pats, but that’s because they are what they are, and I’m sick of them. They used to be one of my teams before they got too good for too long, acquiring way too many bandwagon groupies for my rarefied tastes. It may take the playoffs before someone smacks Timmy T down satisfyingly, though. The Bills, maybe, I guess. The Chiefs? Probably not unless someone completely fails to block Tamba Hali. The Bronco O-Line is decent-they keep him upright.

I love the move he does where he just keeps fading back looking for something that isn’t ever going to be there and then flings the ball in the general direction of the sideline. I love that his one trick is to roll out to the left, using the momentum to fuel his throw, and heave the ball as hard as he can somewhere in the zip code the receiver is due to arrive in. That one works way too often-especially in the fourth quarter. I want one day for a Wilber Marshall meets Joe Ferguson moment to happen when he does that. Hell, Corey Wootten did it to Favre. That will be in my happy place forEVER.

Old hands will know what I mean by that. That hit was clean, but so devastating that the zebra threw the hanky.

Which goes back to my bitch about the holding on Peppers, who is one of those guys that do things like that. I’m watching that going on, and yelling at the tv things like “One of you guys grab him and hold him up, and the other punch the damn football!” When Willis McGahee or the Anointed One had the ball, figuring that winning the turnover battle couldn’t hurt. That went on for a while. trading three-and-outs…

And then…man, the Bears scored! Barber ran well after a nifty Devin runback for good yardage, the team got in for six and the extra point. I picked it up about midseries, having gone to retrieve a cup of coffee and a few of my special chocolate cookies with the coffee and other natural flavorings. I had also superstitiously exchanged my Orange Bears hat for my newer Faded Navy cap, which had a couple wins in it still, or so I reasoned.

It all seemed to gell. The cookies tasted sweeter. The coffee was extraordinary. Even the many small birds in the other room sounded angelic.

There was just that trace amount of bitterness, the instant coffee in the cookie batter, to keep one awake and aware. I knew that things were still touch and go. How many games had it been, how many times had the Tebow Magic struck?

My nails kept getting shorter as I watched. One field goal blocked. A couple of good ones. Time starting to tick down. No magic. The Bears are gonna pull it off. The season is probably still over but at least we escaped that damnable Tebow thing. It’s over.

No. It isn’t.

The Bears might win a game-Seattle, Green Bay, Minnesota are the next three opponents. It’d make the whole season worth playing to beat the Fudgepackers, but the Vikings are the most likely candidates for a Bears win. Maybe not.

I’m hoping for housecleaning. GM Jerry Angelo’s draft record is abysmal. Lovie Smith, I think, is a good head coach. The team has been in the playoff hunt consistently, and have fielded top ten defenses for a number of years. I’d like to jettison Mike Martz as well, but I think that he should be kept on to have some offensive continuity. He and Cutler would develop a more democratic way of doing things as time goes on, I suspect. There were certainly signs of that during the season (Cutler’s infamous quote about Martz would tend to bolster that supposition). The Bears offense made some strides, but there are still some parts that need replacing, some holes to fill.

Angelo by default. Ownership change isn’t likely.

Offensive line help is needed. Quality depth of the type to push the incumbents, perhaps a starter at left tackle where Webb still has moments when he is overwhelmed. Carimi seemed up to the task that he was drafted for. Webb, originally signed at right tackle, would seem to be a fine option at backup if you can find a more agile/more disciplined LT. I wouldn’t have difficulty with the idea of drafting a tackle.

Matt Kalil will almost certainly be gone. Jonathon Martin likewise. I’d take either in a heartbeat. Bleacher Report agrees and has the Bears drafting Riley Reiff in their mock draft. Let’s just go with that, since they’ve done the work. That instant upgrade knocks Frank Omiyale out of the rotation in the best of all possible worlds, and still keeps this core group together. A young center to learn the position and back up Roberto Garza wouldn’t be bad, either.

Nice. My wish list would also include a capable understudy for Jay Cutler, a safety who could either stay on the field or capably alternate with Wright and/or Conte, a 2nd-or-3rd round OLB. I’d love a free agent like Vincent Jackson. If there isn’t one like him, I’ll take Jackson. Easy enough. And then draft a sure-hands winner of some kind. I like Bennett in the slot. He’s killer on third down. Hester doesn’t pan out as a top-3 wideout. Neither does Knox. They’re both dangerous as hell but not consistently so. Williams can just stay home for the rest of the season. He won’t be needed.

That’s the lottery aspect of the pressing needs-LB or WR might well depend on who is available when the Bears draft. I don’t want Jerry Angelo doing that drafting. He’s proven that he isn’t capable, in my eyes (I don’t know who is available and capable. That’d be a fine subject for a blogpost some other time). It’s supposed to be a QB-deep draft, and it may be that the Bears invest in a 2nd-or-third-round passer. That free-agent wideout looms large in this chain of reasoning. I want kids at QB and OLB. A mobile backer with the size and moxie to move inside if necessary. I like me a passer with some scramble but not too much. We’ll see who’s available later.

Tomorrow stuff about a writing contest and maybe a rant or two.

Today’s feature is the Bears against Kansas City, at Soldier Field in Chicago. As I write, the Bears are perched on the 4, 4th down and 1 yard to go. A nice td pass is about to be taken back because of a penalty, and the Bears will be [...]]]> This post brought to you by:

Today’s feature is the Bears against Kansas City, at Soldier Field in Chicago. As I write, the Bears are perched on the 4, 4th down and 1 yard to go. A nice td pass is about to be taken back because of a penalty, and the Bears will be shooting for the field goal. Game’s a little chippy-lol, the announcer said that just as I was typing.

False start on “Gate 68″. Dunno what Omiyale’s doing in the game but they’ll try the kick again from further out. 32-yarder, good. First points of the game.

So far, so meh. Neither Bears 2nd-stringer Caleb Hanie nor Chiefs’ qb Tyler Palko seems all that interested in actually moving the ball downfield. Matt Forte got dinged up (knee) and Marion Barber has come in, running hard. Bears have good rb depth. Chiefs have Thomas Jones, who is starting to slow his age a little but is still reasonably effective.

Lotta punts. Bears have two or three sacks. I saw two that I remember, from Melton and Idonije, and I was away from the screen for five minutes or so.

Cheez. Earl Bennett had an easy six right there. I could’ve completed that one. And a sack follows, back to the 33. Robbie Gould is money, but the five-yard penalty makes it a 56-yarder.

Punt again. That was a three-point sack for KC. More in a bit.Kyle Orton, one play and out. That’s rich. This game reminds me of the 70s games when Da Bears were the Monsters of the Midway and couldn’t bring the offense, just played between the 20s. Bodies are flying around, players dropping like rabbit turds, the football coming loose periodically. Both teams have such inept offenses. I have little faith in Hanie at this juncture. He hasn’t shown me much. Came alive a little in the second half last week, but his work just isn’t impressive so far. His passes aren’t crisp, his accuracy is debatable (the Bennett play is a case in point).

I don’t want to damn the man, but…damn the man. The Bears with Cutler are a dangerous squad built to go deep into the playoffs and are a Maybe THEY can beat the FudgePackers candidate. Without him, they’re the ’05 unit with a little less talent and maybe squeak in. The Chiefs are giving them all they can handle, and that’s sad. The Bears should be up by two sixes and extra points by now.

And I sure as hell don’t want to see McCown in the game. I remember a game in the early 80s where Sweetness took some snaps. This group is similarly desperate. I’d like to see the Bears draft a qb maybe 2nd or 3rd round this year. You really need a quality backup in today’s NFL. Jay was just getting his feet under him-the timing of his injury really hurts.

Not as much as that td the KC group just got. WTF? That was volleyball. Bad volleyball. Chris Conte probably won’t be know as “tip drill” in the future.

Chester Marcol is applauding that twist of fate somewhere. I just know it. This game feels bad. The Chiefs have been dodging a hailstorm all day and they get a gift like that. If the Bears lose this one, I betcha they can lose to the Tebow express too. OMG would that suck. I’m so tired of hearing about Tim T this and Tim T that every time I turn on any ESPN channel. Skip Bayless probably swallows. Wut? Did I just write that? Oh noes. Bayless bit it when he was in Chicago, he still does now. Annoying little twit.

We’re supposed to go grocery shopping later. I might bail if this gets bad. I might anyway. I love my Bears but my stomach calls the shot. It’s freakin’ cold here this weekend-feels like football/hockey weather, which is cool cuz that’s what I’ve been doing today and for the past two nights. Will be at it tomorrow night too, as the Hawks play the Coyotes…but that’s a tv game. I probably won’t follow along here. Got some other stuff to blog about.

Halftime. I’ll be back

***

Hanie 5-for-11 53 yards. 60.0 rating. Palko 13-for-19 125 yards 1 td 104.1 rating. There’s your first half in a nutshell. No word on the state of Forte’s knee, other than that he’s out. Let’s hope it isn’t bad.

Oooo. Punt. What else? Hanie can’t locate the open receiver (there have been plenty) to save his football life. The season’s pretty much riding on this, and that’s not good. We need a big play, defensively or on special teams, to catch up and pull ahead. That’s completely possible. But it needs to get done.

I’ve superstitiously switched from my Orange hat to my Blue one. The blue hat has a win in it. So does the jersey but I’m holding off on that for now. WCG is on the ledge. I’ve only opened the window. However, as mentioned previously, it’s cold out. I’m hoping to close that damn window soon.

It doesn’t look good. I’m starting to think about dinner. Got some ground pork sausage, could get some cube steaks or cutlets and make chicken-fried steak (it’s country-fried if you use the brown gravy). Biscuits, buttery corn. That’s provided I don’t get drunk trying to wash down the bad taste of this game.

Gods. I’ve been laughing at the Colts all year, at their ineptitude and how crestfallen they must be, and now it’s US! I feel like Lucy yanked the ball away. Crap. I thought the city tore down the emotional rollercoaster.

This is really getting hard to watch. So I’m just listening. I’ve even closed the game thread because those people are more depressed than I am. This is just so wrong. I’m for shopping. I need supplies for the Hawks game. Moar beer!

I give up on my fantasy team too. That isn’t much fun. Vick and Cutler going down and losing Gronkowski during bye-week feeding frenzy has doomed me to second place at beast. There aren’t available replacements for all of those guys. Not if you want any points, that is.

Yeah. That missed field goal spells fail and bail. Will edit later if something good happens.